Little boys and their penises

What is the fascination that boys and men have with their penis. My son discovered his at about 4 months and the pediatrician warned me that it would be a life long love affair. At first, he would simply attack his penis when his pamper/pull up was being changed or he was bathing. I decided not to be an uptight mother and allow him his penis playing time. I read in a number of the Parenting magazines other mothers who had taken the similar tack that I had. I didn't want him thinking that his penis was somethign that was bad or dirty. It was a part of who he was and he needed to love and embrace it, but boy - it was a love affair bordering on obsession.

Then he turned two and now he became Al Bundy. His greatest joy is to stick his hand down his shorts and pullups and have a penis playing heyday. When he's drinking his milk, I swear it's a security blanket. Then one day I came out of the room and there he was standing in front of the television, pants around his ankles playing with his penis. My first reaction was shock and then I died laughing. Because we talk to him so much about not doing this, he knew he was in trouble and immediately began telling me that he needed to pee in the potty. I was amazed how already at two, he'd begun to figure out that life was all about covering your ass. Since potty readiness was soemthing that we expected of him, he had turned his little masturbatory fest into something that we would want to reward him for. Boy, where has my little baby gone, because this is some serious mature thought process.

The interesting thing also is that he only does this in places where he's comfortable. He seems to realize that school is not a place where this is acceptable, but at home, anything goes. We truly are sexual beings. I didn't actually realize until I became a parent that the same pleasure that an adult male gets from penile stimulation is the same pleasure that my son is getting althout on a much lesser scale. There are some things that you have to teach and some things that are just instictual. Ain't life grat.

Why does everyone want you to have children

I recently read an email where the person was annoyed that after having been married for a few years, everyone got on her case about when she was having children. She wanted everyone to back off and allow her and her husband to make that decision. I agree with her but not entirely wholeheartedly.

As I sat and thought about the entirety of the situation, I looked at things from many angles. The questions are always - when are you getting married, closely followed by when are you having children. Now, I understand why people always ask these two questions. Society and life as we know it is based on two things - people getting together and perpetuating the human race. Fortunately women have been given a chance to explore themselves and to grow as individuals before immersing themselves in both marriage and childbearing.

The opportunities allowed to us have a double edged sword, however. There is a great advantage to delaying marriage because the older you are the better capable you are of handling the commitement and responsiblity of marriage. YOu are also better at being a parent. The drawback for women is that many women never get to experience being a parent because for many women that dream dies at 35. I had one girlfriend who it took her over 5 years to get pregnant. I've had family members who it took them 7 years to finally complete a pregnancy successfully. The simple truth is that childbearing really is best done between 18 and 30. As a woman of 34, the shock of having a miscarriage and finding out that 1 in 6 pregnancies ends in miscarriage and that this number is rising because women are delaying childbearing was quite a shock.

Then there's the social position. Marriage helps to settle people into a life of stability. Children further solidify that portion of your life. For the world to be a better place, everyone needs to look past their own life to see how you can improve the life of someone else. This is essentially at the core of parenthood. Delaying your own gratification and striving to mold a future productive generation. Oprah said that she lifted her hat to mothers because she didn't know that she had that level of selflessness and self-sacrifice which is so much at the core of motherhood.

When you consider these points, you begin to forgive people for asking you those two most annoying questions about marriage and childhood. In the same way, that plants and animals mutate to meet the demands of a changing environment, so too these questions serve to remind people fo their place is the great cosmic plan to keep society moving along. So for anyone who reads this, the next time someone asks you either of those questions, don't get pissed off, just understand that it is a necessary part of the progression of mankind and they just want to know if you plan to get on board with the plan.

Now from a personal point of view, I never thought of being married until I was 27 and realized at 29 that I'd found the person I wanted to be with. Once I'd or he'd dispensed with getting us hitched - we looked forward to children. And from one thrilled parent, all I can say is that there is no preparation for being a parent except being one...you learn about your capacity for love...if you think you love your mate, you have no idea how much in love with your child(ren) you'll be. They take your breath away in a way that cannot be explained. You literally brim over with emotion. And to see that shared in your partners eyes is also overwhelming and just another level on which you bond. It is a bond that you'll have forever with your amor.

When to have a baby

Wow, isn't this a loaded question. I suppose the right answer would be that you have a baby when you are ready. But the funny part is - how do you know when you are ready to have a baby. I was recently eavesdropping on a conversation and it is what has led me to talk about this issue.

There I was sitting at lunch on the patio at work, something I seldom do when I heard two women having a conversation. When I heard what they were talking about, I wanted to turn around to see their faces but decided against it. We make so many decisions based on what people look like and we put them in the neat little boxes our brains assign them to, that I decided against that option in favor of just listening to what they had to say.

Apparently one of the girls had been been with a guy for quite some time - some five or so years. As to whether they were married or living together I wasn't able to ascertain since I didn't look for the telltale ring. What saddened me was when I heard her begin to say that she thought she might have to end the relationship because the guy wanted children and she didn't. She claimed that she loved children but had no wish or urge to mother any anytime in the near future. Her girlfriend then chimed up that she didn't think she didn't want to have children, she thought that she didn't want to have children for the guy she was with. The first young lady didn't answer for a while and I began to get the feeling that she was giving it some serious thought. She didn't answer and they moved away - presumably to get back to class and so I was left thinking about this issue.

I then began to wonder how many women were in this situation. Women who had convinced themselves that they didn't want to have children simply because the guy they were with was not good father material or because they situation they found themself in was so shaky that they had decided against bringing a child into the fray.

I don't blame these women for making this decision since being a parent is a lifetime commitment. However, I wonder why they stay with somone who is not the kind of person you would raise a child with. After getting married, Paul and I knew that we would wait a year before getting pregnant...I got pregnant 15 months after we got married and I think we'd made enough progress as a couple to tackle parenthood. I think also that because I was very clear about wanting children that I made it clear that we HAD to get our act together. That decision made us examine things and approach various choices we had very differently than had we known we had no future with children in it.

So I hope that that young lady doesn't bury her head in the sand about wanting children because she's with a guy who she knows either isn't reliable or would make a parent hold her back. You can't spend your life with someone who isn't going to allow you to reach your full potential.

Standing up for himself

So yesterday I'm picking up my son from school and there's a little boy there who is acting up. He's a nice little chap, but he needs some work on manners and his tendency towards violence. Today I drop my son at school and this same little boy is acting up yet again and within 10 minutes has manged to knock two little girls to the ground, shout at another child and hit another. There were only 6 children in the class. My son was the only one he hadn't troubled.
I figured, it's only a matter of time.

While there, the little boy began to once again give trouble so I looked at him and told him that how he was behaving was not nice. I then learned that the teacher actually wanted him removed from the class because he was such a problem. My son got upset when I told the little boy he wasn't nice because one he doesn't like when I take a stern tone and he hates to see others hurt. I then began talking with his teacher about these traits and she told me that she had seen them. I told her my concern about his not fighting back when other children bothered him and she told me not to worry because while he did not start fights, he could certainly finish them.

Apparently, the same little boy had been after him on previous occassions and my little had quickly made a fist and showed him in no uncertain terms that he would not tolerate abuse of any kind. Go Tristan! His teacher then told me that he had made after this little boy whenever he'd been bothered and she always had to tell him to walk away and not retaliate. So while I don't endorse violence, it's nice to know that while he's a gentle soul, he's no pushover.

Having a baby changes everything

I'd always wanted to be a Mom. I knew that I would have children someday. My mother was very distraught when in my early twenties I explained to her that if I wasn't married by the time I was 30, I would consider having a child out of wedlock. She just about up and had a coronary, but I was dead serious. I knew that being a Mom was not something that I was willing to not do.

I really didn't truly understand how selfless you had to be to be a parent and I only have a 2 year old. I can only imagine what the future has in store for me. I do, however, know that being a parent has made me look at the world very differently. I now realize that everything that I do will in someway impact my son. This means that I have to think more and make the best decisions I can if I want to ensure that the quality of my son's life is at least the quality of life that I had.

I have a girlfriend who always vowed not to be a parent and now that she is, she is the most doting and loving mother that I've ever seen. Once you give birth, adopt or in some way fold a child into your life, everything changes. Life stops being all about you and you really do realize that the earth really does not revolve around you. Since the basics of being a good person is realizing that you live in a world and impact others, I would think that becoming a parent would help most people to become better people. I know this is thoroughly utopian, but hey, it's my hope.

I know that there are some people out there who really shouldn't be parents and I also know that there are some who are simply too scared of the responsiblity to even consider the thought. I always wondered how those people (who because they are too scared or too selfish) felt when they turned 50 and 60 and had no "family" of their own. Holidays are all about family and no matter how good friends you are with someone, when you have no-one who is truly yours, that must be a very sad life.

I was having a conversation with a young woman, who happens to be gay, the other day and she told me that she worried that she might be missing out on something by not having children and that she wondered about it more and more as she got older. The maternal instinct in most women is very strong because hey, they need us to perpetuate the human race.

In conclusion how do I know that having a baby changes everything. Well, I'd much rather stay home and watch him watch Sesame Street and Barney than go out to a club dancing. I'd much rather watch him learn how to swim than read a good book. I want a bigger house so that he has more space to play where I can keep him safe; but the biggest one of all is that I've decided not to apply for a promotion at work because i want to drop him at school, pick him up and spend time with him. That is more important than more money and prestige. Having a baby changes everything.