Why does everyone want you to have children
I recently read an email where the person was annoyed that after having been married for a few years, everyone got on her case about when she was having children. She wanted everyone to back off and allow her and her husband to make that decision. I agree with her but not entirely wholeheartedly.
As I sat and thought about the entirety of the situation, I looked at things from many angles. The questions are always - when are you getting married, closely followed by when are you having children. Now, I understand why people always ask these two questions. Society and life as we know it is based on two things - people getting together and perpetuating the human race. Fortunately women have been given a chance to explore themselves and to grow as individuals before immersing themselves in both marriage and childbearing.
The opportunities allowed to us have a double edged sword, however. There is a great advantage to delaying marriage because the older you are the better capable you are of handling the commitement and responsiblity of marriage. YOu are also better at being a parent. The drawback for women is that many women never get to experience being a parent because for many women that dream dies at 35. I had one girlfriend who it took her over 5 years to get pregnant. I've had family members who it took them 7 years to finally complete a pregnancy successfully. The simple truth is that childbearing really is best done between 18 and 30. As a woman of 34, the shock of having a miscarriage and finding out that 1 in 6 pregnancies ends in miscarriage and that this number is rising because women are delaying childbearing was quite a shock.
Then there's the social position. Marriage helps to settle people into a life of stability. Children further solidify that portion of your life. For the world to be a better place, everyone needs to look past their own life to see how you can improve the life of someone else. This is essentially at the core of parenthood. Delaying your own gratification and striving to mold a future productive generation. Oprah said that she lifted her hat to mothers because she didn't know that she had that level of selflessness and self-sacrifice which is so much at the core of motherhood.
When you consider these points, you begin to forgive people for asking you those two most annoying questions about marriage and childhood. In the same way, that plants and animals mutate to meet the demands of a changing environment, so too these questions serve to remind people fo their place is the great cosmic plan to keep society moving along. So for anyone who reads this, the next time someone asks you either of those questions, don't get pissed off, just understand that it is a necessary part of the progression of mankind and they just want to know if you plan to get on board with the plan.
Now from a personal point of view, I never thought of being married until I was 27 and realized at 29 that I'd found the person I wanted to be with. Once I'd or he'd dispensed with getting us hitched - we looked forward to children. And from one thrilled parent, all I can say is that there is no preparation for being a parent except being one...you learn about your capacity for love...if you think you love your mate, you have no idea how much in love with your child(ren) you'll be. They take your breath away in a way that cannot be explained. You literally brim over with emotion. And to see that shared in your partners eyes is also overwhelming and just another level on which you bond. It is a bond that you'll have forever with your amor.
As I sat and thought about the entirety of the situation, I looked at things from many angles. The questions are always - when are you getting married, closely followed by when are you having children. Now, I understand why people always ask these two questions. Society and life as we know it is based on two things - people getting together and perpetuating the human race. Fortunately women have been given a chance to explore themselves and to grow as individuals before immersing themselves in both marriage and childbearing.
The opportunities allowed to us have a double edged sword, however. There is a great advantage to delaying marriage because the older you are the better capable you are of handling the commitement and responsiblity of marriage. YOu are also better at being a parent. The drawback for women is that many women never get to experience being a parent because for many women that dream dies at 35. I had one girlfriend who it took her over 5 years to get pregnant. I've had family members who it took them 7 years to finally complete a pregnancy successfully. The simple truth is that childbearing really is best done between 18 and 30. As a woman of 34, the shock of having a miscarriage and finding out that 1 in 6 pregnancies ends in miscarriage and that this number is rising because women are delaying childbearing was quite a shock.
Then there's the social position. Marriage helps to settle people into a life of stability. Children further solidify that portion of your life. For the world to be a better place, everyone needs to look past their own life to see how you can improve the life of someone else. This is essentially at the core of parenthood. Delaying your own gratification and striving to mold a future productive generation. Oprah said that she lifted her hat to mothers because she didn't know that she had that level of selflessness and self-sacrifice which is so much at the core of motherhood.
When you consider these points, you begin to forgive people for asking you those two most annoying questions about marriage and childhood. In the same way, that plants and animals mutate to meet the demands of a changing environment, so too these questions serve to remind people fo their place is the great cosmic plan to keep society moving along. So for anyone who reads this, the next time someone asks you either of those questions, don't get pissed off, just understand that it is a necessary part of the progression of mankind and they just want to know if you plan to get on board with the plan.
Now from a personal point of view, I never thought of being married until I was 27 and realized at 29 that I'd found the person I wanted to be with. Once I'd or he'd dispensed with getting us hitched - we looked forward to children. And from one thrilled parent, all I can say is that there is no preparation for being a parent except being one...you learn about your capacity for love...if you think you love your mate, you have no idea how much in love with your child(ren) you'll be. They take your breath away in a way that cannot be explained. You literally brim over with emotion. And to see that shared in your partners eyes is also overwhelming and just another level on which you bond. It is a bond that you'll have forever with your amor.
posted by SueMorrWill @ 6:33 PM
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